Science Lavatory

Paul concluded his three week study of toilet paper dispenser neglect in the GMIT Life Sciences Building as a way to quantify the appalling condition of the college’s bathrooms. The study was adequately controlled and the sample population included six (of nine) randomly selected stalls from three (of five) randomly chosen men’s rooms in the building. Sampling events were randomly timed (during work hours) and occurred once per work day. Stalls were considered ‘empty’ if the dispenser was bereft of any tissue, and ‘full’ if at least one visit’s (for lack of a better term) worth of tissue was still available in the stall.

Results were as follows:

Sample events: n= 132
Total ‘empty’ events: 104 (79%)
Total ‘full’ events: 26 (19.5%)
Total ‘non-full but tissue depauperate’ events: 2 (1.5%)

The results clearly indicated that, with an effective empty rate of 80.5%, the chances of a male restroom user finding a toilet with adequate paper resources is a paltry one in five - ominous odds since each restroom only has three stalls. Combined with the intangible of periodic toilet seat thefts, and the emergency user is clearly vulnerable to the desperate unpleasantries of a TP deficient visit. In conclusion, this study strongly suggests that the typical GMIT building user appropriate an independent, and therefore more reliable, supply of bathroom tissue prior to use. Furthermore, due to the chronic olfactory assault faced when entering these facilities, it may well be advisable to go at home.

The accompanying photo from the author’s GMIT laboratory is included for a flavoring of both irony and absurdity. Please note the tag on the assembly.